Karen Rivers

i need.

Karen Rivers

I've been thinking that I really really really really need a stylus for my iPad.    I have never wanted a stylus for anything before.    Even saying the word "stylus" is starting to make me question whether "stylus" is even a valid word for what I want, which is a pen thing for my iPad so I can draw amusing pictures to illustrate my blog.   Sometimes, you just don't feel like writing, and it's strange that right now I feel like drawing as I never, ever, ever draw or even hold a pen (or stylus) for any reason other than signing my own name (usually on cheques, but sometimes on books) (mostly cheques).

Today I don't feel like typing, I feel like drawing with a stylus on my iPad, damn it.    I feel like drawing myself lying on the couch.   I have a heating pad.   I would draw an arrow to the heating pad and then I would write "heating pad" so that you knew it was a heating pad and not, say, an overly large piece of toast or a section of ceiling which had fallen on me while I slept.   Then I would draw my face and I'd be all pale and my hair would be sticking up, because it is, and my glasses would be dirty and sad-looking, like the glasses of an orphan in the Victorian era, if orphans had glasses, which I guess they didn't.   It would be hard to draw that, so I'd use an arrow.   Then I would draw a thought bubble above my head that would say, "I feel sorry for myself!"

Then I would title the whole post, "Me, Feeling Sorry For Myself For Having Been So Sick For So Long But On The Plus Side, I Did Lose That Annoying Ten Pounds, Which Isn't Really A Win When You Consider The Whole 'Sickness' Thing And If You Think About It, I Could Have Just Eaten Less And Exercised More Which Would Also Have Worked Without The Hurty Ribs And Whining And Overall Loss Of Sanity From Coughing."

The title would be longer than the whole post, which wouldn't have any words except for the bubble.   That would be the funny part, how the title was so long.    Ha ha, right?  RIGHT?

Oh, I'd draw a puddle on the floor, too, with an arrow, showing you where The Birdy had an accident this morning.   Then I'd draw sounds, which would be hard, because I don't know how to draw sounds, and I would indicate that those sounds were a strange ringing in my ear and then you'd feel even MORE sorry for me, if that was at all possible.

Then I'd post that.   I'm not good at drawing though so it probably WOULD look like a stick figure trapped under a piece of man-eating toast.   But that could be funny, too.   At least to me.  

Then I'd go back to the couch and feeling sorry for myself.   Not that I ever left the couch.   I'm starting to feel like I NEVER leave the couch.    After this sickness is gone, we may have to burn the couch.    Maybe.    But, you know, the plus side of never leaving the couch is that I am getting lots of editing done and am able to follow the goings-on on Twitter like a HAWK.   A hawk who can read.   

I'd draw that, too, a hawk reading Twitter, but I don't have a Stylus.   I don't know where to get one.   

If you want to get me a gift for Christmas, you might want to keep that in mind.   I'm just saying.