Karen Rivers

mad world, with dreams.

Karen Rivers

I woke up this morning having dreamed that Kevin Spacey ate my shoes.   I wasn't wearing them.  They were in a pile with a million, similar shoes -- cork-heeled sandals -- and he picked mine up and slowly ate them like they were particularly large crackers.   He was on a stage, chewing thoughtfully.  

That was the whole dream.  It feels like a dream that filled the whole night.  Me, in the audience, watching and watching and watching as my shoes were consumed.   Kevin Spacey looked tiny and leathery from where I sat.

Last week, I dreamed that I was sweeping and suddenly realized that the broom was Mick Jaggar, and I was holding him upside down and cleaning the floor with his hair.   

If everything means something, then the shoe dream apparently means something about being on the right path and the Mick Jaggar dream means ... nothing.   Or maybe it means that, in spite of everything, some things are just straight up funny.  

Still.  

I think my dreams are suddenly technicolour, whereas before maybe the colour was faded or grey.   Or maybe I just think that because it would be apt, to be in a marriage that's failing and to emerge from it with sparkling dreams and maybe a handful of rainbows and a unicorn leaping through the foliage.

I dream I'm in a huge school and I can't remember my locker location or combination or why I'm at school in the first place.  I dream that the kids climb out the window of a skyscraper and fall away to someplace I can't reach.  I dream that all my teeth fall out and my dentist -- whose office is in a jungle -- pats them all back into my mouth, gently.  I smile in the mirror and my teeth are coloured Play-doh.   

What does it all mean?

Layers of almost-nothing stacked together like the tulle on The Birdy's tutu.

If I'm dreaming so much, I must be sleeping.  

If I'm sleeping, why am I so tired?

I woke up this morning and realized that the mark where my ring has been on my finger for almost eight years has disappeared.  The shiny, whiter patch of skin now looks like all the surrounding skin, like nothing was ever encircling it and shading it from the sun.